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April 28, 2011

A Card for Your Multiple-Personality Wife

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April 01, 2011

A Weird Thing

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Barbara: I am a freelance writer, former TV and radio news writer and self-professed trivia junkie. I delight in boring my friends with 60’s pop culture, and I always win in the Baby Boomer and TV editions of Trivial Pursuit. I’m pretty good at Pictionary too.

I am officially published now, albeit in a trade magazine, but three articles in a trade mag is more than I had, AND I got paid for each one!!

I have been a professional executive and personal assistant for the past 30 years, I can also cook, bake and drive really, really fast.

I now live in New Mexico where I have literally started my life over.

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mid century3
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Midol1
Mike1
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Miltown1
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Minnie Method1
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mmmm1
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modess1
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mom8
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mom is a vegetarian1
mom made cat food for dinner1
moms1
moms drunk again1
moms taking yellow pills again1
monarch foods1
money money money1
monkees1
monkey mark1
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Montezuma2
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mother1
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mothers2
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moustache rides1
movie magazines1
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mr rogers gone bad1
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MS1
multiple personalities1
munsingwear5
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mustache burn2
mutilate1
mutt1
my bologna has a first name1
my dad2
my first date1
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new dog1
new house1
new pug1
new pup1
new sweater1
new yard1
new years day1
new years eve2
nfl1
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Nico1
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no car seats1
no fear1
no man got laid in those undies1
no man is any good without a woman1
no moving parts1
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no pattern required1
no pineapple for you1
no really1
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no tear fly1
no torso man1
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no wax tile1
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now1
Number One1
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october is pit bull awareness month1
odd companies1
odd people3
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off with their heads1
oh boy oh boy1
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oh my god my hand is rotting off1
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oh my god when did i get so old1
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oh so happy1
oh so pretty1
oh sure1
oh well1
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oh YUM1
oil slick1
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Onassis1
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one-eyed duck1
Oneida1
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only her hairdresser knows for sure1
ooh that itch1
open open open1
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operations1
operator1
or your money back1
orange clothes1
orange juice1
order the crotchless undies1
orgasmic bras1
orgasms1
oscar meyer is the devil1
outdoor playsets1
owie1
oxygen tent1
ozone1
ozone depletion1
padding1
paint2
painting1
painting the kitchen1
pajama party1
palmolive1
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parents1
partial birth cake1
partridge family1
party1
parvo1
pass me the lysol2
pass the nose spray1
pasted head1
pat boone1
patio1
Paul Newman1
paul newman dead1
pawsitive1
peace1
peace love and hair1
peanut butter1
pedigree adoption drive1
pedobear1
pee1
pee your panties1
peel like a snake1
peg legged old fart1
peggy olsen1
people who eat nuts will kill you in your sleep1
per minute charges1
perfumed nail polish1
perimenopause1
period1
perma-broom1
perry como1
pet food drive1
peter perfect1
petlaughs.com1
phantom kotex will kill you in the night1
pharmaceuticals1
pharmaceuticals are our friends1
phenobarbital1
photo mug1
photobooths1
picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue1
picking up men1
picking your nose is disgusting1
pickup moves that don't work1
picky eaters1
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pimple cream1
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pink champale1
pink like spam1
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pip1
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pirates of the carribean1
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pit bulls1
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pizza1
pj's1
placidyl1
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planter2
plants1
plastic surgery1
play kitchen1
playboy says it makes you look cool1
please give to lexi1
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plop plop fizz fizz1
plugged up1
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PMS1
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police1
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poor widow1
pop eyed mothers1
porcelain god1
pork chops1
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pornographer1
pouty nipples1
powder1
power of the paw6
powerful BO producers1
prayers needed1
precancerous skin1
Predictive Index Survey1
premature ejaculation1
prepubescent love1
pretentious assholes1
pretty boy1
pretzels1
primitive communication1
prince gardner1
prince matchabelli1
prissy man1
pro-life2
proposal1
prunes1
psuedo chinese food1
psycho woman1
psychotic1
psychotic women1
pudding1
puddles2
puerto rican rum1
pug needs help1
pugs1
puppy1
pursettes1
pus1
put chalk in your armpits1
put it in your coffee so no one knows1
qiana1
Quaalude1
quickie2
rachel ray4
radiance1
raff out roud1
ragu1
rah rah1
rainbow bridge1
ralf2
ralph1
ralphie1
random acts of weirdness1
random sex under desks1
random sex with strangers2
rather have TB than be fat2
rattan1
RC Cola1
reactions1
real man2
recipes for the stupid2
recordable pet toys1
red1
Red Asphalt 21
red swingline stapler1
redheaded stepchild1
reds1
reeboks1
regularity is next to godliness1
relationships3
remember our service members1
remember the byte1
remodel3
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rescue3
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resolutions1
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retch1
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ribs1
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rich old men1
richard simmons1
ride em cowboy1
ridiculous egg dish1
ridiculous undies1
right on Christie1
righteous dude2
ring1
ring around the pillowcase1
ring around the...oh wrong commercial1
road rage1
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rock tumble1
rocket man1
rodent breath1
roger roger1
rollerskating1
romping and rolling in the rockies1
roughage1
Roxanne1
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ruff life1
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ruffled shirts1
ruffles get you laid1
rules rules rules1
run forrest run2
run Minnie run1
run mister1
run run run1
run sister1
run your fingers through the goo1
saccharine sweet1
sacrifice1
sad1
saggy noodles1
saint patrick's day1
sales1
Salted almonds equal psychotic bitch from hell1
samsonite1
sanding1
sandpapering your vajayjay1
sangria1
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sarah palin3
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Scandanavian Air Service1
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schlitz2
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September 111
september 11 20011
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serious sex was traded for this car1
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sexy2
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shake it up1
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shave your legs for this1
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she shot spider1
she's all yours1
sheets1
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shine on1
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shocking1
shooting1
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short veil means youre a slut1
shortenin'1
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shoulder sucking1
shower cap1
shutterfly1
shutterfly christmas cards1
sick3
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sidesaddle and ready1
sigh1
silken pleasure1
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sisters2
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sixties2
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skippy1
skippy lou2
skivvy patrol1
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sleep2
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sleepy2
sleepy sunday1
sleepy-time1
slick1
slob1
slow food movement1
slurring1
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small penis1
smart1
smart golddigger1
smell like a guy1
smell my finger1
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smelly1
smileyface1
smoke2
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smug bitch1
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snips snails puppy dog tails1
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snoopy1
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so adorable1
soap2
socialized medicine2
sock stuffers1
soldiers1
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something to talk about1
somethings really wrong here1
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sore throat1
sorry I was driving thru the canyon and lost you1
soup shakes1
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Spawn Ranch1
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spindle1
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spray starch1
springmaid1
sprinkler1
spry1
squeaky1
stab hand1
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state fair1
stayin alive stayin alive1
staying on the ledge1
stepford wife1
stephanie nielson1
stepped on a pop top1
stereotype1
stewardess2
stick a finger down your throat1
sticks and stones1
sticky undies2
stiff legged man1
stinky boy2
stinky breath1
stinky smelly ick1
stirfry1
stitches1
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stoned1
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stress1
stretch clothing1
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Stubby1
stud1
study yourself1
stuff it in your turkey harold1
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stylist2
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sucker1
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surgery2
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sweet 161
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ted1
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temp work1
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thanksgiving4
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that fresh scent1
that tingly feeling1
the 70s1
the best of everything1
the big c1
the big o1
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the clock is now a mosaic1
the common cold1
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the remarkable zipper1
the squirts1
the taletellers1
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the voices talk to me2
the war1
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they say its your birthday1
thick womb1
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this close to decrepit1
thisclose to prostitution1
those pesky kids1
those who have passed on1
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tid e bowl1
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tight pants1
tim the toolman taylor1
time for booze1
time is on my side1
tinted1
tiny life1
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tired3
tired old women1
tired pup1
titty pink1
tittymouse1
Titus1
tobacco is cool1
toga1
toilet1
toilet cleaner1
toilet essence1
toilet paper1
tomatoes gone bad1
tommy burger1
tongues1
too cool1
toothbrush1
torn cruciate1
torpedo tits1
toss in a handful of nuts1
total electric home1
touchy1
towel snap3
towels2
toys1
TPS reports1
tranquilizers1
treadmill test1
treat them like dogs and never give them any1
treatment1
trixie7
trixie hates minnie1
Trixie the wonder pup1
trolling for women1
trolls1
tub o lard1
tubby1
tuna souffle1
tuna surprise2
tuna terror1
turkey2
turn off the headlights1
turn on the exhaust fan1
turning tricks1
tutored1
tuxedo1
tweed1
Tweedles1
Twix1
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ugly clothes1
uh oh spaghetti-o2
UK2
underwear3
underwear for your sweetie1
undies4
unemployment1
uniform1
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uninvite1
United1
unmarked1
unmarried1
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uplifting1
usage charges1
used to cost a quarter1
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valentines day2
valium1
valrhona1
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vanish1
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vaseline1
veet1
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Vietnam1
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vitalis1
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warm1
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Warning: May contain nuts1
wash em up1
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wash your woolie1
washer1
we 3 doxies1
we are the world1
we didnt do it2
we killed four alligators for this bag1
We love Corbin1
we luv em1
we remember1
we thought we were the shizzle1
we'll never forget1
we're sick of your dog1
wear dead animals1
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welcome to supercuts can I help you1
welcome to the 70s1
welcome to the 80s1
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well duh2
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westwood sandwich1
weve come a long way baby1
what happens to me1
what have I gotten myself into1
what men want1
what not to wear1
what the hell is on the back of the seats1
what to do with random stuff in your fridge1
what was I thinking1
what were we thinking1
whatever1
whatever dude1
whats that thing1
When Granny Panties Were Coolbeau-sure1
when pregnancy was the worst that could happen1
when you had imagination1
where are the cigarettes1
wheres the booze1
whip it good1
white sauce1
white trash pudding1
who cares about cancer1
who needed pillows1
whoa1
whooptidoo1
whoosits1
whore1
why did we have four children1
why don't you whistle when you fart while wearing a thong2
why is their bedroom door locked1
why it's just like the real thing1
why yes its a stradavarius1
wiinner1
will i die1
willpower1
willy wonka1
win a girl1
windshield wipers1
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winner winner chicken dinner7
wishing on a star1
witches nose1
withit1
wives1
woking is easy1
wolf in sheeps clothing1
women who love too much1
won't you be my follower1
wonder bread1
wool clothing1
woolie1
wordless wednesday2
working girls1
working the corner1
world war 11
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worn out1
wrestling1
wrinkles1
WTF?2
wussy1
Xanax1
ya'll can eat now1
yakking in the toilet1
yeah2
yeah it means canape1
yeah you betcha1
yeast2
yes1
yes this happens every day1
yes yes yes1
yet another jeep video1
yo ho ho and a bottle of rum1
you are a fluke of the universe1
you are a nasty nasty girl1
you can call her a hostess1
you can't be made gay1
You deserve a break today1
you guys rock1
you have no right to be here1
you know Marion is a slut1
you rock1
you smell1
you suck1
you want it1
you'll shoot your eye out1
you're old1
youll wish you were dead1
your chances for stds are great2
your fat ass1
your friends suck1
your hubby wears dresses1
your husband is more important than you1
your momma1
your mommas panties1
your name's gone there's no reason why anymore1
your nylons are dying1
your own hostess1
your parents were cheap1
youre ugly1
youth1
yucky1
yum1
zog1
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