Thursday, October 16, 2008
I Miss You Dad, Wherever You Are
Today is the first anniversary of my dad's death. That's him, in his cop days.
It's hard to believe that a year has flown by. It only seems like yesterday that I said goodbye to that poor, frail body and wished him godspeed.
My dad was many faceted. Funny, gregarious, pigheaded and bossy, loving and kind. I'd like to think I'm the same. He used to always say "Who's the prettiest girl on the block?" and I would say "who?" Of course, he answered "you".
He knew so many things, and I miss talking to him about things, even if we did disagree on a lot of things. I'm so grateful that I moved back here and got five years in person instead of phone calls, and that I could take care of him as he slowly died.
He died on a Tuesday, and on the Friday before hospice called me at work and said "you better come home, he could die any time." When I got there, I went to talk to him and he kept pointing at something, like he could see someone standing there telling him to come. Through my tears I asked him to say hi to my brother and grandparents when he got there. He was kind of agitated - and even though they encouraged us to tell Dad it was okay to go, none of us could actually say those words. So I leaned into him and said "don't worry, I'll take care of everyone, just like I always have" and he became peaceful. He never opened his eyes again, and died early in the morning on Tuesday. It still hurts.
Thankfully, mom is still going strong, albeit slower, and everyone at this moment is healthy and alive. I hope it stays that way for a long, long time. But I can't help but remember that she is 81 years old, and has had two heart attacks. But she's here now, and I'm loving that.
Anyway Dad, I miss you every day, and I love you like crazy.