I didn’t sign up for this OR The trials of being “the responsible one”…

I’m tired.  So, so tired.

This week, I take my brother for two neuro/psych tests…one for Social Security disability qualifying and one for Kaiser for state disability qualifying.  Poor Clynt.  His short term memory is gone, thanks to his early onset dementia.  That’s us in the picture…Clynt was 11 and I was almost 1.

me and clynt

In the past three months I’ve been made power of attorney, dealt with the attorney (still am, the bastard), seen more doctors than I care to remember, driven hundreds of miles between work, the pharmacy, the doctors office and the lawyers office.  In between, I’ve been on the phone dealing with Clynt’s stock, getting him retired, his medical leave, his lawyer stuff, his 401K…plus trying to restructure my own home loan (he’ll live with me when mom is no longer here), attempting to see the doctor for myself (who will NOT give me Xanax like my old, dead doctor did) and haven’t managed yet to be able to schedule an appointment for myself.  I figure I’ll get to see the doc for myself once I’m committed to the asylum.

Did I say I’m tired?

Of course, not to be outdone by the lovely DIY blogs I visit, I’m tackling redecorating the bathroom (I hate to paint) only to be saddle with crap paint and having to start over with “real” paint.  Right now, it looks like Tom Sawyer hit the walls with his whitewash.  Lesson learned?  Cheap paint is just that.  Don’t do it!!  I’m hoping to fit that in between 5 and 8pm tomorrow, as that appears to be open on my schedule.

Did I mention I was tired?

I’ve been wanting to get rid of some of my vintage things, but haven’t had time to start my Etsy store.  I need the money, but I need the time more!  Oh, and I dropped $400 on tires this weekend, and that was with the stores $100 grand opening discount…so yeah, I guess I need the money more!

So, as this week begins, I pray for energy and the presence of mind to stay calm in situations I know will get me in a defensive mode (don’t mess with my brother!).  I pray for a light in this never-ending tunnel.  Most of all, I pray to just survive being “the responsible one”.


You will survive Barbara, even though at times you feel like throwing in the towel and walking away from the whole mess. Have faith in yourself. I'm sending some virtual strength your way...can you feel it? Keep your sense of humor. Look for the little things in life that bring a smile to your face. Sometimes they are hard to find but if you look closely, they are there. Just keep blogging and know that you are helping other people keep a smile on their faces.
Anonymous said…
Barbara - I kind of know what you mean about being the "responsible one" as that is something I deal with too - though not to your extent. I think about you a lot and wonder how you manage to keep it all together, I am humbled by you. What were you wanting to sell, I may be interested - you never know! Can you send me an e-mail?

Sara In AZ
Hey Sweetie!

If your doctor won't help you, ditch him! Your health is extremely important right now! But better than medicine, keep your sense of humor (I know you have one, I've read your blog). When it gets really bad, call a friend and go to your local comedy club. You can't leave there feeling crappy! Even when helping your brother, it is okay to find humor in his dealings! You are a very tough girl.

Happy house repairs! Relax and enjoy the process!
heidi said…
cheers to you for upholding your family -- and your self! and by cheers i mean, you need a cocktail, too, lady ;)
I am reading past posts and wanted to let you know that I feel for you and your situation! It's tough to be the responsible one! My Mom lives in Houton, TX I live in Atlanta, GA...I'm the one that will need to make the move to take care of her. I feel for you as my brother who lives in Houston is an alcoholic and can't take care of himself much less Mom. I am admiring your strength and keep up the humor!

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