Thursday, April 29, 2010

For the Man Who Has Everything

inflatable

 

Your own Love Maid.

I can’t imagine they looked like this in real life.

They’re “ready for action” and you can buy clothes for them too.

My true worry is about the 10 day home trial.  What did they do with the ones that got sent back?

It’s best not to think about it too hard.  Hard…ha, um, excuse the pun.

7 comments:

Midcenturymadam said...

That's disturbing on so many levels....how could they do that to wine???? Love Maid?? Crrreeeeeppppppyyyy! But very funny at the same time. I suppose one could use it for a decoy in the carpool lane.

Jennifer said...

This cracked me up! I serve my guest drinks like this all the time - you don't? Of course I have to duck tape them where they are supposed to be!!!! Stop by and visit some time, Jennifer at jennsthreegraces

Ninny said...

What more could a man wish for? Love and a maid! Gee, now he doesn't have to get married at all!

Liz

Chickens in the Basement said...

I love the strategically placed whine glasses! Used 10 days and returned? Yuck! Used once? Yuck! Does he just toss her in the shower after a night of passion?

Bill Abendroth said...

To the Editor:

If I had had anything to do with this scam back in the day, the procedure for "returns" would be placing a very large return label on the box. Said label would say (in the most giant, blackest, boldest font available):

Please Return to:
PLASTIC WHORE UNLIMITED
"Penetrate Her Every Orifice!" (tm)
2734 NE Mercado Ave.
Wilkes-Barre PA

"For the guy who wants to gets lucky EVERY night-- the EASY way!"
COMING SOON!
--NUN COSTUME!
--PRE-SCHOOL JUMPER COSTUME!
--NANA'S KITCHEN "APRON" COSTUME!


(Package may contain optional race, gender, or species conversion kits)

*********************

Finally, if that weren't enough, the REAL address for returns would be 3724 NE Mercado, not the 2734 NE Mercado Ave. on the address label--meaning the package would come back for home delivery with an address correction label. So, the rube would have to drive 100 miles to a strange town to mail it at least twice.

In other words, this blow up doll would cost not only the initial $8.95, but an additional non-refundable $4.50 for S&H. To get a refund, he'd be charged an additional restocking fee of $4.50 (ie throwing the box in the trash unopened), and probably another three bucks on postage mailing this piece of junk back two times.

All in all, the LIFE SIZE Love Maid would cost approx $16.45, of which the total refund would be less five bucks.

Of course, the total pro rata cost of the doll would still be less than $.75--most of which would be placing the kind of ads that merit prison time (see original post for example).

Unfortunately, I've promised to use my powers only for good.

I remain:
Desperately both honest & broke.
Bill Abendroth
Samsara Samizdat

Breezy said...

The placement of the wine glasses is hysterical!!! Love it!

Beth said...

I can't believe "she" is only 8.95. What a bargain! Guess what everyone is getting for christmas next year.

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