Getting Old Isn’t For Sissies

A frustrating weekend for both mom and I. 

We traveled to the Petaluma yesterday to spend the night and attend the Antiques Show.  When we arrived, the Butter and Eggs Festival was starting up, and mom could not be swayed from attending.

Reminder: Mom will be 83 this year, has back problems from osteoporosis, survived two heart attacks and a quintuple bypass and doesn’t walk very fast or well anymore.

We had to park at a grocery store, walk over a bridge and then up and down three or four blocks and back to the car.  This took about two hours.  Then she wanted to go to the factory outlet stores, another couple of hours.  Then we went to dinner and back to the hotel.

Today, the much anticipated (by me) Antiques show opened, and we lasted a half hour before mom could no longer go any further.  She was upset because she couldn’t, and so was I, but selfishly I was also upset that it was basically a waste of time.  We didn’t need to go to the Festival – there was nothing there for us to see. We didn’t need to go to the factory stores.  Mom can’t sit still or “be bored” in a hotel room and anticipates she can do more than she can.  She gets mad when I question her, and then everything turns out like I think it will.

Call me a bad daughter, but this frustrates me to no end.  I try to take her on these excursions to ease her cabin fever, and I try to calculate them so she won’t over exert herself, and she thwarts me every time. 

Yes, I know – cherish the time we have together, who knows how much longer we’ll have.  But I’m also human.  If you’ve figured out how to marry the two, I’d be glad to hear suggestions.


No suggestions, just sympathy! You're entitled to your feelings, and you get to rant and rave a bit. Sounds like you did everything you could to help her have a good time, without a whole lot of consideration coming the other way. You're a good daughter--much better than I am!
Anonymous said…
Yes, being a good daughter is hard and frustrating! Just hang in there, because when she is gone, you will be glad you tried your best for her. Oddly enough, only the good memories will survive and you will understand her better. How do I know....because I miss mine everyday and I wish I had those years back to be more tolerant and giving of my time. You're doing this because you love her. you are a good daughter!
A few suggestions! Whine to your blogger buddies, then put on your stiff upper lip and your big girl panties and spend time with your mom. Plan shorter, more specific trips. Will your mom consider using a wheel chair? It makes life so much easier with my mom.
You're not a bad daughter; just a frustrated one.

I would have left her to grumble into tea and bickies at the nearest coffee shop (or back at the hotel) and gone to the antiques show myself. And I don't believe that makes me a bad daughter either.
Lidian said…
Lots of sympathy from me, too. I have an older parent too and while it is a different situation from yours, I am pretty stressed right now so...sympathy/empathy here. You are a wonderful daughter, no doubt about it.
Beth said…
I sypathize with you. I have a Jewish mother. They are the queen of guilt. I actually apoligized once because it was raining!

You're supposed to feel very guilty. It's the wonderful Circle of Life - OY
cathycan said…
I agree with Doris the Great.
Take her back to the hotel and tell her you'll see her in a couple hours and bring her a treat.
Sorry, I'm a fixer {: (
You are a good daughter! It wasn't too long ago you posted the Polar Bear pic with her!

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