Beware The Phantom Kotex!!
This “announcement of suspense” comes to you directly from the manufacturers of Kotex!!
Are you afraid of the outline of your sanitary napkin being seen? Does it keep you in at night? Are you afraid of that bitch Jane pointing it out at a party?
Well fear no more, my nervous friend! The new Phantom Kotex has been genetically altered, shaped and tapered to wear under your most silky, body-hugging gown without a HINT. Of course, they may still tell you’re “having a visitor” by your mood, but your genuine Kotex (stamped on both ends to foil impersonators) will never betray you. You can use either side (or both, if you’re poor)…they’re both deodorized and protective, perhaps even a little smug.
This is a product of supreme importance, and women will flock to this product. So you just better get down to the druggist Missy!
While you’re there, don’t forget to pick up our brochure "Marjorie May’s Twelfth Birthday”, because FIVE MILLION mothers THIS YEAR ALONE will have to take their daughters into a quiet room and have “that talk”. The “intimacy so characteristic of today’s mother and daughter will result in understand so VITAL to the daughter today…that wife and mom of tomorrow”. Be courageous and hand this pamphlet to your daughter so she doesn’t have to find out in gym class, okay?
Meanwhile, sneak down to the druggist and hand him a note saying you want that unmarked box or look around at vending machines where we sell them too. Damn, you’re brave!!