Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Voices Tell Me To Smoke

"Mary.........Mary.....Light that cigarette!  Drop what you're doing and smoke that cigarette!"

Mary has had a problem for a while.  You see, lately she's been dressing for tennis, but never actually getting to the court.  As she throws her coat over her shoulders and pits that racket, the voice in her head sneaks up on her and says "Smoke Mary, Smoke!!"

She hasn't been able to get a thing done.  Now, the voice tells her to smoke Kent, because they cost more and they have an exclusive Micronite Filter, that doesn't do anything except keep that menthol from knocking you down when you inhale.  Nothing like smoking Vick's Vapo-Rub.

They don't even ask you to try a PACK, the Voice wants you to pick up a CARTON.  Well heck, let's just add Camphor to the list of things inserted into our lungs, Mary!

The Voice in Mary's head also tells her to have random sex with men, drive really fast and eat fattening foods, but Mary doesn't care.  She just follows the instructions.

Shouldn't you???

14 comments:

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

So that's what Iv'e been hearing! Even when I p am wearing ear plugs!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, Master . . . I hear and obey . . . .

Bocci said...

Oh, this is hilarious!

Elyse and Riley said...

Hehehehe! Those darn voices! :)

Elyse and Riley

browndogcbr said...

Hi Y'all,

That's why I sleep at my Human's bedroom door...just in case those pesky voices give them strange ideas...I'LL STOP THEM! So far it's been an uneventful watch.

Y'all come by now,
Hawk aka BrownDog

3 doxies said...

You would haves NO idea what them voices tells me to do.

Puddles

Sawyer the Schnauzer said...

Well, if the voices are telling her to, then she should, right?

laura linger said...

Christ, and I thought *I* had problems. :)

Vintage Christine said...

I thought this was about giving someone named Kent a bj. How stupid am I, huh. PS--I was highly offended and deeply hurt, not to mention severely saddened, after reading your comment about some of my lamps. In retaliation I'm sending an army of evil clown heads to your house where you will learn the REAL meaning of your phrase "deep ugly" heh heh heh. Better warn your Mom not to open the door if she hears teeny tiny rapping on your door one dark night ......

De tout, de rien said...

It really looks like her evil twin sitting on her shoulder. Go ahead Mary, eat another donut, what's the harm? Conveniently, the good twin is nowhere to be seen...

houndstooth said...

Just say NO to the voices in your head! :P Why can't those voices ever tell you how to win the lottery?

Benny and Lily said...

Just don't answer the voices
Benny & Lily

Mr. Pip said...

Too funny!

Your pal, Pip

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Voices? I just hear barking and meowing!
love
tweedles

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