Friday, May 20, 2011

It's Friday. Plan A Party. Extravagantly.

Giving a party requires diligence. But you must if you want to be known for your style and taste.

Here are some instructions on giving the perfectly snobby party.

1.  You must send out personal, hand-written invitations, preferably written in calligraphy with an ostrich feather.  It's elegant, and the French do it, so must you.

2.  Go purchase brightly covered Japanese pillows so guests can sit on the floor.

3.  Make sure you have plenty of booze.  Whiskey mostly, because people dig whiskey.

4.  Now, waste some serious time making egg hors d'oerves.  Serious time.

5.  Build a cheese pyramid.  Use only French cheese.  Anything else would be so tacky.

6.  Serve canapes based on other countries.  America sucks.

7.  Buy as many flowers as your husband will allow.  Six or seven dozen at least, half of them in white.  To be uber-elegant, use only large, low bowls. Scatter them all over the room until it resembles a morgue.  It's very French.

8.  Make an olive tree.  Seriously.   Don't forget the caviar and cucumbers either.


10. Oh yeah... Buy more booze. 

11.  Get your husband to get more booze and get all the stuff you pretend to use for drinks.  We all know no one puts anything into whiskey, but it looks so nice on the bar.

12.  Make sure you have no chairs when the guest arrive.  It makes it easier to swing into a key party once everyone is there.  Clothes will be flying soon.  Have a great time, if you aren't completely exhausted by now.


PS: Anakin Man lost his Josie last night. Stop by and leave a note.

16 comments:

3 doxies said...

Gee, a party would be luverly considering mum furgots my beer!

You furgots to mention dat da Puddles would be at da party as entertainment.

Puddles

Midcenturymadam said...

It's no wonder I haven't had a party in years...way too much work, especially those little eggs. Did anyone ever really attempt those I wonder?? Also, my age group would never be able to sit on pillows on the floor. Maybe folding cots so we could take a rest every so often!

Frankie Furter said...

I would like all that stuffs EXCEPT fur the CAN OF PEES thingys.. Who would want a can of pee?? Butt those little sammiches look grrrrrreat.

Puddles as entertainment??? SCARY

laura linger said...

"It's a very special party. You need to be under 60 to get in."

"Oh, for a second there, I thought I wouldn't make it."

"Oh, you'll make it. You can be bartender."

-Guy and Rosemary Woodhouse, as Rosemary plans a party despite being knocked up with Satan's child

sophie...^5 said...

My head is spinning traveling all around the world to make my party so much funerooooo!!!

Benny and Lily said...

sounds like our kind of pawrty.
Benny & Lily

Tweedles -- that's me said...

I think you are the best party maker ever. I would love to go to one of your partys.
love
tweedles

Mick said...

Haha I find this all humorus, But I reallyu dig the invitations (not so much had written 10 days before) But I love inviting people to the Casablanca via simi-formal invitation my favorite phrase being "You'r presence is requested..." :)

Dolores said...

Sounds like too much trouble for me.....I'm a laid back party giver.....However, I'd like to go to a party with that much preparation, that someone else did.......
Happy weekend!

Eartha Kitsch said...

I love fancy pillows and handwritten invitations (And my gosh! an olive tree!) but child, I'm going to need a lot more booze if I'm supposed to make those eggs. I mean.. a LOT.

bbes tribe said...

We're tired just reading all that goes into a perfect party. Maybe that's why we don't have many - mostly we have what M calls "spur of the moment" ones.
It sounds like a wonderful party if we could just go and not have to fix those eggs and the olive tree.
Wags
Ernie,Sasha,Chica,Lucas

sophie...^5 said...

Hey Barbara...just a quickie...mmm..sorry... Yes, my Dads broke their backs planting all that stuff...glad I wasn't around when that was going on or I would have been ignored!

Van said...

Haaa! I love this! I'm imagining trying these tips in my kooky kitschy little apartment and no matter what, I couldn't pull off "elegant"!

Wyatt said...

Hey, we did not get our invitation...We can see you are having Whiskey and Cheese! I hope the mailman doesn't misplace it..BOL

Wyatt and Stanzie

Vintage Christine said...

Well, a party's not a party unless you serve those little pigs in a blanket thingies. Oh, and cheese balls (using AMERICAN cheese, dammit). My mother used to do parties with all this crap and by the time she was finished all she wanted to do was collapse. To her credit, she fluffed her hair, put on a party dress and smiled smiled smiled. PS--since Sonny Bono wasn't MY state politician I had no idea I actually had his portrait. Thank god I didn't get one of our former Senator, Trent Lott, with the helmet hair.

Thetot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Meet Trixie, Minnie and Jeep!

PitaPata Dog tickers
#1 dog site for dogs & bipeds!
PitaPata Dog tickers
#1 dog site for dogs & bipeds!
PitaPata Dog tickers
#1 dog site for dogs & bipeds!

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed