Friday, May 27, 2011

Your Life Does Not Begin Until You Get That Ring

A girl's heart reaches out to a man's heart.

The girl discovers a new, glowing world (of children and dishes and laundry and bills and grocery shopping and cleaning and gardening and painting and buying school clothes...) and together, man and girl will make it their home (with a mortgage and roof problems and the kids need braces and Spot just peed on the carpet...).

All they bring to it (baggage, regrets, joy, sorrow, neediness, wanting), share in it ("it's your turn to do the dishes!" "Don't you EVER pick up your underwear?" "Sally, there are hairs in my sink!"), make of it ("Oh yeah? Well, I'm going home to mother!" "This meatloaf sucks!" "Bobby, put down that cat!") will be told in the engagement diamond that treasures their first dreams.

That's right, your whole marriage will be determined by the size of that diamond, because if your diamond is small, you just didn't dream big enough!

Make sure you study the diamond size chart on the right buddy, because if you blow this, it will set the tone for your entire marriage.  That's right....your entire marriage.

See the picture?  She's alone.  Because the diamond was too small. And a diamond is FOREVER.


Amber Von Felts said...

Ahaha! Its nice some of the brainwashing has started to wear of on the modern woman. This post is too funny!

laura linger said...

The whole diamond head trip really bugs me. The only reason why I have a diamond wedding ring is because I married at 25 and was still pretty naive about how diamonds are mined and how corrupt the entire industry really is. Ken gave me this ring on our wedding day and I will keep it and wear it forever...but I have a NO DIAMOND policy in place in our marriage for gifts and the like. "Three months' salary"...fuck you, you're at least partially responsible for African children losing their lives and limbs while mining those sparkly suckers.

mermaid gallery said...

I'm a wedding basher, ring slammer, non dogs too...glad I found you!, Susan

houndstooth said...

You mean we're not supposed to hold out for a bigger rock? Too bad for that first guy! :P Honestly, I wish my engagement ring had been something untraditional like a ruby or emerald, but I'm odd that way!

gretchen said...

damn, so it was the small ring that made him the WRONG ONE? if someone had told me sooner....

love this, nice bend to the whole wedding package baloney.

Eartha Kitsch said...

I now see that I was a fool to ask for the "practical" ring that wouldn't harm our budget. I like how your ad generator placed an ad for gigantic beautiful rings under your post as if to say, "the ring buying goes on.."

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