Deb Does Christmas

Let’s all take a lesson from a Deb on how to prepare for a Christmas party…

First, make an appointment with a famous beauty expert. Make sure he has only one name and wears an ascot.

Then, get a facial and massage, but don’t actually allow them to touch you with their hands. They’re filthy beasts, these hired people.

Find a skilled expert to give you an exquisite hairdo.  Remember, no hands touch your head, hair only.

Time for a rest from that busy morning.  Have a drink.  Have several.  Go home with the guy that bought them for you. Make sure he wears gloves.

Get naked, shower.  Gargle with mouthwash, but only if you want to be Completely Dainty.  I sometimes only go Half-Dainty, as I find this to be challenging.  Leave his apartment.

Go home and artistically, reapply your makeup.  That is, if you’re an artist.  Otherwise, consult experts or you’ll look like a clown in heat.  But don’t let them touch you with their hands.

Waltz gaily dressed in a lovely gown and be “piquante”.   (pi·quant [pee-kuhnt,-kahnt,pee-kahnt], adjective, Synonyms:  1. spicy. 2. intriguing. 3. sharp, clever.  Antonyms:  1. insipid.)

And now, the big moment (santa’s here? her debut? he proposed? she has gas? STD? what the hell?)…thank goodness she used mouthwash, for it appears to have worked for whatever it is she needs to wear that ridiculous headpiece for.

And now, well armed with information, enjoy your Christmas party!!  Remember – NO TOUCHING!