Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Deb Does Christmas

Let’s all take a lesson from a Deb on how to prepare for a Christmas party…

First, make an appointment with a famous beauty expert. Make sure he has only one name and wears an ascot.

Then, get a debsdoingsfacial and massage, but don’t actually allow them to touch you with their hands. They’re filthy beasts, these hired people.

Find a skilled expert to give you an exquisite hairdo.  Remember, no hands touch your head, hair only.

Time for a rest from that busy morning.  Have a drink.  Have several.  Go home with the guy that bought them for you. Make sure he wears gloves.

Get naked, shower.  Gargle with mouthwash, but only if you want to be Completely Dainty.  I sometimes only go Half-Dainty, as I find this to be challenging.  Leave his apartment.

Go home and artistically, reapply your makeup.  That is, if you’re an artist.  Otherwise, consult experts or you’ll look like a clown in heat.  But don’t let them touch you with their hands.

Waltz gaily dressed in a lovely gown and be “piquante”.   (pi·quant [pee-kuhnt,-kahnt,pee-kahnt], adjective, Synonyms:  1. spicy. 2. intriguing. 3. sharp, clever.  Antonyms:  1. insipid.)

And now, the big moment (santa’s here? her debut? he proposed? she has gas? STD? what the hell?)…thank goodness she used mouthwash, for it appears to have worked for whatever it is she needs to wear that ridiculous headpiece for.

And now, well armed with information, enjoy your Christmas party!!  Remember – NO TOUCHING!

6 comments:

3 doxies said...

My mum thoroughly enjoyed dis cuz of da whole wearin' gloves stuffs...you knows how her is bouts germs...and yet, her has 3 dogs...and goes and has her hair done. And between us...her makes da hair cutter lady wear gloves;)
Oh and when her goes to da gym, mum caarries around sanitizing wipes.
I thinks I need a drink now...hold da gloves though.
Puddles

DearHelenHartman said...

Hmm, I hate to contradict but I suspect Debbie is a high priced escort. The no hands is her version of Pretty Woman's Julia Roberts character's rule - no kissing on the lips. I suggest this because these are her Daily Doings. Laughed and laughed at your interpretation of Debbie's Day.

De tout, de rien said...

Doesn't everyone go about their day like this? Or is it just me? I get massages all the time, pay good money to get my hair professionally done only to get it tousled after going to some guy's place, then taking a shower. I carry my mouthwash with me cause I don't want to smell like booze when I go home to the husband and the kids.

Lol, just kidding. Great post as usual!

Amber Von Felts said...

Howlingly funny! I only wish the picture was bigger so I could get a good look at her!

3 doxies said...

Hey lady, it's da Puddles again. I hads to tell you dis cuz you'll just die laughin'. My sissy has been sick and well hers can't poop so da vet told her if her didn't crap by tonite then mum would haves to gives sissy a enema. Does you have any gloves fur my mum?

Puddles

sophie...^5 said...

Rip snorting hilarious....PS: gots your card saweetie..many thanks and have yourself a merry little xmas and keep your Hans..hanhs...hands off!!

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