Recipes For Your New Year Party…

We all know that throwing a New Year party can cost a fortune. People today have such expensive expectations.

Let’s take them down a notch, eh?

First, let’s serve burgers, but leave out the burger.  That’s right, pile some lettuce on a bun, throw on a slice of onion, tomato and cheese and BAM! And don’t even use REAL cheese, use Velveeta, that wonderfully American sliced “pasteurized food product”. Oh, and don’t forget the mustard.

Oh – those two slices of liverwurst?  They’re just for show.

Next, let’s make a “man-pleaser”, since all the women will have onion breath.  Toast some whole wheat bread and smear it with mayonnaise and salmon salad, preferably from a can and not fresh, because salmon is expensive and canned salmon will fool EVERYONE.  Top it with cucumbers and a slice of cheese.  Any of the seven that Kraft makes – you know, the processed sliced stuff, not a good French cheese.  Most of your friends wouldn’t understand the complexities of French cheese anyway.

Now dessert:  All American Apple Pie.  Make sure you use Velveeta with that too, not a nice Cheddar.  Remember, we’re trying to get these people out of your house by 12:10 a.m.

Stay tuned for more “party” recipes for the New Year.  You’ll be so excited to make these, I SWEAR.