We all know that throwing a New Year party can cost a fortune. People today have such expensive expectations.
Let’s take them down a notch, eh?
First, let’s serve burgers, but leave out the burger. That’s right, pile some lettuce on a bun, throw on a slice of onion, tomato and cheese and BAM! And don’t even use REAL cheese, use Velveeta, that wonderfully American sliced “pasteurized food product”. Oh, and don’t forget the mustard.
Oh – those two slices of liverwurst? They’re just for show.
Next, let’s make a “man-pleaser”, since all the women will have onion breath. Toast some whole wheat bread and smear it with mayonnaise and salmon salad, preferably from a can and not fresh, because salmon is expensive and canned salmon will fool EVERYONE. Top it with cucumbers and a slice of cheese. Any of the seven that Kraft makes – you know, the processed sliced stuff, not a good French cheese. Most of your friends wouldn’t understand the complexities of French cheese anyway.
Now dessert: All American Apple Pie. Make sure you use Velveeta with that too, not a nice Cheddar. Remember, we’re trying to get these people out of your house by 12:10 a.m.
Stay tuned for more “party” recipes for the New Year. You’ll be so excited to make these, I SWEAR.