Recipes For Your New Year Party…

We all know that throwing a New Year party can cost a fortune. People today have such expensive expectations.

Let’s take them down a notch, eh?

kraft awful food(1)First, let’s serve burgers, but leave out the burger.  That’s right, pile some lettuce on a bun, throw on a slice of onion, tomato and cheese and BAM! And don’t even use REAL cheese, use Velveeta, that wonderfully American sliced “pasteurized food product”. Oh, and don’t forget the mustard.

Oh – those two slices of liverwurst?  They’re just for show.

Next, let’s make a “man-pleaser”, since all the women will have onion breath.  Toast some whole wheat bread and smear it with mayonnaise and salmon salad, preferably from a can and not fresh, because salmon is expensive and canned salmon will fool EVERYONE.  Top it with cucumbers and a slice of cheese.  Any of the seven that Kraft makes – you know, the processed sliced stuff, not a good French cheese.  Most of your friends wouldn’t understand the complexities of French cheese anyway.

Now dessert:  All American Apple Pie.  Make sure you use Velveeta with that too, not a nice Cheddar.  Remember, we’re trying to get these people out of your house by 12:10 a.m.

Stay tuned for more “party” recipes for the New Year.  You’ll be so excited to make these, I SWEAR.


Eartha Kitsch said…
Uggh. Those are wrong on so many levels. Mainly the fake cheese level though.
houndstooth said…
Velveeta makes everything better! It must be true because they said so on TV!
Too funny, what time should I be at your party and what can I bring? Spam maybe?? ;-)) Your post reminds me of years (and years) ago when my Dad used to love Velveeta and spam sandwiches...
3 doxies said…
Hehehehehe...I loves your recipe posts! I remembers 'em from last year.
I'll bring da Cheetos since it's not real cheese eithers.


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