Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A New Series Just For YOU!

I have decided that we will start a new series that will teach you all the lessons in life that you didn’t learn in charm school.  I mean really, we all cut classes at charm school, right?

First Seminar – why, it’s what every girl and boy need to know.

HOW TO CORRECTLY MARRY, HONEYMOON AND DEAL WITH WHAT FOLLOWS

bride

If you have any physical ailment or infirmity…or have any doubt about applying, to your particular case, the principals laid down in this seminar…be sure to submit it to your doctor. 

You big chicken.

bride info

Okay, let’s pull up a chair and let’s talk about a bride-to-be.  Screw the husband to be, because this is all about YOU, baby.

The synopsis of our course was written by our High Potentate, Joe Bonomo.  No, not BoNaNo, BoNoMo.  They’re cousins, but honest, Joe is not a made man.

Really.

Please believe me. 

In order for you to come prepared to the class, I have posted the outline.  Please bring number 2 pencils, lots of notebook paper and get ready to be told what to do.  Here’s the outline:

bride3

Later in the course, you will need:  The engagement ring, a thesaurus, a calendar, money to buy the “suggested reading” books, money for announcements, thank you cards, a reference file and newspaper society ads, your veil and gown, makeup and hairdresser and unless your parents are providing cash for the wedding, the cake, the informal reception,the formal reception and the honeymoon.

You’ll need to get your friends prepared to pony up for your household trousseau and furnishings, honeymoon clothes and personal trousseau, presents, and anything else you desire (don’t worry, we provide lists for your convenience).

Even later in the course, we’ll tell you all about the religious rituals, the vows, the fourth, third, second and last week before your wedding, an hourly schedule for your wedding day and then what to do once you begin your new life (i.e., sex).

Can’t wait to see you there!

6 comments:

DeanO said...

Been there and done that :)

Tweedles -- that's me said...

I have lots to look forward to- don't I?
love
tweedles

Dana@Mid2Mod said...

Joe Bonomo as the spokesperson? That is, without any doubt, the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Why is a weight lifter/strongman/stuntman hawking a course for brides? I remember him from the body building ads in the back of magazines, but this is a new one on me!

De tout, de rien said...

That disclaimer is really weird, but from what Dana says, it now makes sense to me if he is a fitness "guru" of sorts. They just put the disclaimer in all his publications. Still, if you have an infirmity, better check with your doctor before getting married. (Or is it because of all the risky things one does on their wedding night?)

Amber Von Felts said...

Oh, this'll be good! I can't wait

Dolores said...

Oh my..... this will be funny!

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