I know I’ve been absent awhile, and I have no good reason.
I have clinical depression. While I’m on medication, sometimes I just get into these horrible funks where my body just shuts down on me. I feel neither here nor there…not unhappy, not happy…just existing.
I have so many irons in so many fires, what with my brother and mother, and the responsibilities I have with them (which some days I literally ignore while I’ll sit alone in my house feeling sorry for myself). My life never feels my own. One day I feel silly and giddy; the next I feel nothing. Sometimes it feels my entire life is one big routine.
Oh, and did I mention that it’s time to do Minnie’s other leg? She also has a big histiocytoma (or cytosis, whichever is NOT the bad one) that will be removed as well. She looks like she has a giant pimple on her side. Guess it’s because she’s hit puberty. Can anyone say “ProActive”?
My usual answer when someone asks what’s been going on is “nothing ever changes”. Right now, the depression has manifested itself into a physical thing – the hypochondriac in me says MS or Fibromyalgia or some exotic disease, but as they say, “depression hurts”.
This is the time in my life where someone usually tells me to bootstrap it, and with all my heart, I wish I could. But being unable to just do what I want when I want just doesn’t exist in my world.
Combine this with a lot of my blog friends losing their beloved pets lately, and it’s just really hard to find the funny in any situation. I didn’t used to be like that.
So I beg your forgiveness that I’m just not up to being “me” right now. Know that I read your blogs – I just have nothing original to say.
You all are really like friends to me, and you mean so much to me. And I’m really hoping to meet up with Vintage Christine when she comes my way in September and we can compare butt sizes. And one day, I’m gonna get to Tennessee to meet with my sister from another mother, Eartha Kitsch and Texas to meet my blog adopted mom, Dolores. IT WILL HAPPEN. I just hope Eartha’s floors are fixed by then!
I’m working on me, and hope to be back – and funny – soon. I thank God that your blogs are (Puddles, I’m looking at you – and you too, Helen). You guys add light and laughter to my life, and I thank you.
Until then, stay safe, stay happy, stay loved and keep smiling.