Are You Fat and Jealous?

Does just one glance at the “new fashions” make you want to stick your finger down your throat and reach for the box of laxatives?  Hit that treadmill for a few hours and then the sauna? Cut off body parts?

Well ladies, no more. 

First, pay no mind to the undergarments required to pull off this look, all right?  With those items, Metrecal and a tremendous amount of willpower, you too can look gaunt and sickly! 

Metrecal comes in 14 different flavors, which you should try, because come the turn of the century, you’ll have your choice of three, and who the hell can have willpower with only three flavors?  Besides, if you get skinny now, when the year 2000 rolls around, you can point fingers and laugh (although you’ll probably be too weak to lift your hand, but hey, you’re in the latest slim fashions so screw them, HUH!!!)  Oh snap!

If you decide not to gumption up the willpower to drink chalky liquids, please don’t sit and shoot daggers with your eyes like Ethyl back there.  You didn’t try the finger or the laxatives or the Metrecal, so you CAN’T COMPLAIN, okay? 

Good luck.  Men everywhere are counting on you to be hot.

If you develop a rash, see your doctor.  He’ll laugh and call you fat, but you might get a nice salve for your chafing thighs.