Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I Said A Banana, Not A Pear, Dammit!

VintageAd-PearShape

So there you are, standing in front of the dressing room mirror in your knee-hi’s, distressed that you’re pear shaped.

Not an apple, not a grape, but a pear.  Nothing on top, oodles down below. 

Thank Heaven there’s the Concentrate Girdle and the Little Fibber bra.  I’m not joking.  The Little Fibber.  It has a “super-soft fiberfill lining” that “doesn’t make a big production out of you”.  Well then, what’s the point?  If you’re going to wear falsies, then by God, make a big production out of it!! 

The Concentrate Girdle has several panels – “lined up where you need it most”.  How do it know??  It doesn’t squash you, although I really don’t see how it doesn’t, what with it lining up your belly, butt and thighs…

Now that you’re sufficiently stuffed up top and smooshed down below, Warner’s has treated you to a “body-do”!!  You’re now proportioned correctly and can be seen in the world.  You can hold your head high (not like those women at the five and dime, all muffin-topped and spilling out of their tank top).  You are better than they are!!

Now, if you could only breathe…

Thank you Warner’s!! 

8 comments:

Dolores said...

I used to be a pear.... now I'm a beach ball...... maybe surgery would help...... but Warner's couldn't help this poor body...

3 doxies said...

Yea I was kinda wondering if it be squishing you here and yonder...wouldn't you squish out da top...or explode rther?
I thinks I'll just haves another beer and thinks bout dis.

Puddles

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

Well nowadays men AND women have spanx...Aren't we lucky??

Vintage Christine said...

You know who wears Spanx? People like my sister who has 1 extra ounce of body fat and feel compelled to squish it into a full-body girdle. I stopped bothering with stuff like that when I saw that even the ones that go down to your knees still ride up to your crotch and then cut off your circulation. Spanx for men? Oh, I have GOT to get a belly girdle for hubs!!!!!! PS--I see you have 102 followers. Did I miss the traditional 100 follower giveaway announcement or are you OVER giveaways????

Eartha Kitsch said...

Yes, but pears don't have back fat and to me, that sounds like some pretty happy fruit.

Shut up, Warner's!

lifeinredshoes said...

Oh for hells sake, aren't you glad we're past all this?

Maggie and Mitch said...

Thank you, thank you! Mom sure did need this belly laugh today!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Tweedles -- that's me said...

tee hee hee
your ALL to funny!
love
tweedles

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