I Said A Banana, Not A Pear, Dammit!

So there you are, standing in front of the dressing room mirror in your knee-hi’s, distressed that you’re pear shaped.

Not an apple, not a grape, but a pear.  Nothing on top, oodles down below. 

Thank Heaven there’s the Concentrate Girdle and the Little Fibber bra.  I’m not joking.  The Little Fibber.  It has a “super-soft fiberfill lining” that “doesn’t make a big production out of you”.  Well then, what’s the point?  If you’re going to wear falsies, then by God, make a big production out of it!! 

The Concentrate Girdle has several panels – “lined up where you need it most”.  How do it know??  It doesn’t squash you, although I really don’t see how it doesn’t, what with it lining up your belly, butt and thighs…

Now that you’re sufficiently stuffed up top and smooshed down below, Warner’s has treated you to a “body-do”!!  You’re now proportioned correctly and can be seen in the world.  You can hold your head high (not like those women at the five and dime, all muffin-topped and spilling out of their tank top).  You are better than they are!!

Now, if you could only breathe…

Thank you Warner’s!!