Friday, November 5, 2010

Oompa Loompa Doopidy Doo…

mantan bob and dusty

My dad was a red head.  I have his skin.  I’ve never tanned, only burned.  I’ve envied people like my mother (and brothers, dammit) that can tan.

When I was a kid, QT was popular.  No one seemed to mind that you were actually orange, not brown.  I think they felt sorry for you (“poor girl, has to get her tan from a bottle)…

<<< This product, however, takes it to a whole other level.  Not only will you be tanned, but you will be “young”.  See, only old people have pasty, white skin.  Use Miss Mantan and be young!

First, “MANtan”?  Why not “GIRLtan” or “BITCHtan”?  MANtan?  Will I suddenly spurt body hair and get a lower voice?  I looked up the key ingredient “Protosol”, and I’m assuming that the company didn’t mean to name it after an active drug. 

Protosol is indicated for the early treatment of the following states of shock:
• Traumatic shock and fat-embolism syndrome.
• Acute pancreatitis and pancreatogenic shock.
• Perforative peritonitis and prophylaxis of septic shock.

Huh.  And you thought all it did was make your skin orange!!  No hormones!  No iodine!  Just YOUTH in a jar.

And don’t forget your man – he can get all ruggedy tan with their aftershave (i.e., orange walls, sink…)…

I think I’d rather be pale.

Happy Weekend everyone!

4 comments:

houndstooth said...

Heh! I'm half Irish and half Noweigian! Tan is not even in my vocabulary!

Dolores said...

I'd forgotten about that stuff I'd rub on to be tan/....ugh it was like you said, I'd be orange, and the hands were really orange.....
Sure glad I'm past the age of worrying about being tan...... now it's wrinkles.

1950's_atomic_ranch_house said...

I was born with red hair, turned white blonde when I was 3. But alas, I have my Dads pure white skin, I also burn, never tan. Mom and brothers? They tan. Me? I burn. Sigh.

Like Dolores said, I'm way past the tanning age (thankfully), and happy to have those wrinkles. I don't think there is a cream in the world that ca make MY face smooth again lol....

Hiya Barbara, how is your hand?

Wendy said...

LOL! For me it was "Sun In" to make your beach kissed with natural looking highlights. This worked great for the girls with blonde hair as they seemed to get blond-er. No such luck for me, my hair is black/brown. After dowsing my head with Sun In, my hair looked as orange as your fake tan. And it took a forever to grow out.

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