Oompa Loompa Doopidy Doo…

My dad was a red head.  I have his skin.  I’ve never tanned, only burned.  I’ve envied people like my mother (and brothers, dammit) that can tan.

When I was a kid, QT was popular.  No one seemed to mind that you were actually orange, not brown.  I think they felt sorry for you (“poor girl, has to get her tan from a bottle)…

<<< This product, however, takes it to a whole other level.  Not only will you be tanned, but you will be “young”.  See, only old people have pasty, white skin.  Use Miss Mantan and be young!

First, “MANtan”?  Why not “GIRLtan” or “BITCHtan”?  MANtan?  Will I suddenly spurt body hair and get a lower voice?  I looked up the key ingredient “Protosol”, and I’m assuming that the company didn’t mean to name it after an active drug. 

Protosol is indicated for the early treatment of the following states of shock:
• Traumatic shock and fat-embolism syndrome.
• Acute pancreatitis and pancreatogenic shock.
• Perforative peritonitis and prophylaxis of septic shock.

Huh.  And you thought all it did was make your skin orange!!  No hormones!  No iodine!  Just YOUTH in a jar.

And don’t forget your man – he can get all ruggedy tan with their aftershave (i.e., orange walls, sink…)…

I think I’d rather be pale.

Happy Weekend everyone!