Monday, December 20, 2010

Booze: It’s What’s For Christmas, Part 1

corbys booze

I want you to assume that everyone you know drinks, and drinks hard.

Everyone.

Because a Christmas Remembrance Bottle will suit anyone.

Mind you, once they polish it off, remembering you might be hard, but in the meantime, anyone who shows up at your house gets a bottle. 

The old, decrepit mailman gets cold; booze keeps him warm.

The barbers hands shake; booze calms him down. 

Your bowling buddy. Wait, no one has a bowling buddy.

The UPS guy may deliver a surprise (bow chika bow bow) .

The handyman could get handier, booze loosens the nuts.

The butcher might cut you an extra chop, or chop off an arm. 

Your golf partner might birdie you.  Booze on the back 9 is fun!

Your milkman might no charge that cream and tell you how skinny you are.  Booze and cream make eggnog, you know.

Maybe the service station attendant will give you a free lube job. 

Your crazy uncle might stay home with his bottle. 

Your office buddy is a boozer, give him two.

And don’t forget, when you get pulled over, slip O’Malley the cop a bottle and he’ll look the other way.

Ah, the old days, when it wasn’t politically incorrect to give a bottle of booze.  Everyone liked booze.  Booze was your go-to gift.  Well, that and a carton of smokes.

Damn this healthy generation!!

It’s my pleasure to say that thanks to all of you, I sent Blueberry a very large check today.  Whatever she will need to fight off this cancer will be much easier to get thanks to your generous donations.

The pet food drive is still on – feel free to donate food or cash.  I will deliver the food in mid-January – after all the Christmas donations to the shelter get low.

17 comments:

Midcenturymadam said...

I was a rural carrier up here for awhile and was amazed at how many bottles I picked up during the holidays. Mostly from the old timers. I liked it!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Judging from that ad as well, only men were recipients of booze gifts. But that's probably because only men were in most jobs.

1950's_atomic_ranch_house said...

Ha, one has only to watch Mad Men to know the stuff was consumed by the barrel. And we all know, that show is true to life, right? Right?

houndstooth said...

Thank you! We will be hoping that the doctor has a good plan for us here soon!

You had me going when you got to the UPS guy! Bwaaaaa ha! Ah, the days of being a single girl, working in the book store as we all waited for the man in the cute brown uniform to deliver our boxes!

Zona said...

You had me at BOOZE.

Wags,
Zona

Tweedles -- that's me said...

All us in bloggy land are happy for all the help that Blueberry got,, and also all the shelters that got food to help the homeless
love
tweedles

3 doxies said...

BOL @ Zona!
Ahhhhh...mum remembers da UPS man from when hers worked...oh, da way he rolled da hand trucks.

Puddles

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

Totally awesome of you to help Blueberry! And collect food for the Shelter.

As a former letter carrier I want to say I was never a decrepit old man and I preferred cash and Dunkin Donuts gift cards. Carrying around those bottles of boozed and cookies, on my 10 mile walking route SUCKED!

Mack said...

WooT! Blueberry is on that wonderful road to recovery, thanks to YOU Miss B!!!
ANd I have honestly never tasted booze myself,but I am willing to give it a try!

Barbara said...

With apologies to all the former postal workers here, I was referring to the old mailman in the photo!!!

Cooper and Lola said...

BOL and the UPS guy....Thanks for doing such wonderful things for the furry friends in your life..

Wyatt said...

Haha! The perfect gift for all!

Wyatt

Jabacue said...

Without booze.....can't actually imagine a sober world! lol
Jim

zeldafitz79 said...

Too funny. Makes me think of all the old movies where "send him a bottle of scotch and my apologies/congratulations/insert-occasion-appropriate-response-here" is totally acceptable.

Neat ad, thanks for sharing!

Dolores said...

I'd never turn down a bottle of white wine.....

Thanks Barbara for all that you do for our four legged friends!
Love,

cabin + cub said...

I can't imagine how anyone got anything done? Wouldn't they feel massively hung over? Hmmm.. maybe the heavy smoking counteracted it?
How times have changed!

Vintage Christine said...

When I was a lowly secretary in the 70's all my bosses (male and female) received TONS of alcohol, although the lady boss mainly got wine (which was ok by her) and the men mainly got Scotch. I was on the receiving end of whatever they didn't want (which was ok by me!). My dad used to buy cases of it to give to his customers, at least the ones who he used to take to those 3-hour, 5-martini lunches in the 50's and 60's. Ah, the good ole days . . . Merry Xmas sweetie, and BTW--that orange bowl will be coming your way after Xmas. YOU WON!

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