I Can’t Do This

This is the closest I’ve ever been to suicidal.

This weekend, Minnie was diagnosed with torn knees.  They want $2K a knee to fix it.

I came home today to find that after three years of Bank of America working on a “modification” of my home loan has decided that AFTER telling the Department of Housing that they approved me for HAMP, now they aren’t, and they want over $6K or I lose my house.

The stress is unbearable.  I am shaking.  The responsibilities in my life are great and I am breaking now.  I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I’m scared.  I’ve never been this scared, and I’ve never wanted to be here.

I don’t know where to go or where to turn. 

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to say.


rottrover said…
You are NOT alone in this.
Dolores said…
I was going to call you, just to talk, but can't find what I did with your number.
Barbara, please know that I'm praying for you, Minnie and the entire situation.
houndstooth said…
When it rains, it pours! Hang in there! I know it seems overwhelming now, but things have a way of working out. There are lots of agencies trying to help people keep their homes. I'm not well versed in them, but I know that they've been created after all the recent housing mess.

I think there are a lot of people who would be willing to help if there were an auction or chip in fund for Minnie. Max and JD of Schnauzer to Schnauzer would be great to talk to about that!

Please know that I'm thinking about you and I know things look bleak right now, but you are tough and you can get through this!
Lorie said…
I am so sorry that all of this is happening and especially at once. You are strong enough to get through it. It will not be easy, but it will make you stronger. You have many people rooting for you.
We are thinking of you and sending good vibes. Hang in there, things will work out.
Benny & Lily
My heart aches hearing about your situation. I have no advice other than many people will be praying for you and wondering how they can help. You are not alone but surrounded by people who want the best for you. There has to be recourse with the bank and I am believing you will find it.
I am so very sorry to read this. Sometimes life doesn't deal us the best hand, but you will be in my prayers - hang in there, hoping for something good to happen. Hugs.
HoundDogMom said…
We are sorry hear this sad news you are going through. We agree with Houndstooth, an auction could help and lots of blogville friends are always willing to help with them. Also, don't know if your area has any agencies that assist with vet bills. I know they are out their just don't know much about them. Sending you prayers and strength. Sniffs, The HoundDogs and Mom
3 doxies said…
Hey theres Lady...now, takes a deep breath and exhale. Nows do it again.

Please knows dat we is ALL thinking of you and without a doubt we is heres to offer you our support and strength. I thinks everybuddy has offered some purty darn good suggestions...betters than what I could ofers.

I am truely concerned bouts you lady...I am sending you my hugs.

Noodles said…
Hi Barbara
I know you can get through this tough time. I have been in similar situations before. It took 3 years and a lot of pride swallowing to get back into the ranks of professionals (I spent half the years not working and worrying and the other half working the only job I could get - part time retail). I KNOW if it weren't for my generous sisters that my daughter and I would be on the streets now. That is how broke I was and how desperate my situation became. But we plug on and hope the rainbow is right around the corner. I know it is for you. Help is there.
Love Noodles' Mommy #2
The Heartbeats said…
Please read my last post. This past year has been AWFUL on every level. And quite frankly has gotten worse in the past couple of weeks. Trust me I understand. HOWEVER, you have to remember the things in life that you are thankful for. A friend of mine went through foreclosure & it took a year before they actually took control of the house. If you can take that year to do what you need to do. The economy sucks right now and it's not getting better. $5/gallon of gas is not better. Best of luck lady!


Mamma Heartbeat
Golden Samantha said…
Oh Barbara - I am so sorry to hear how difficult things are now for you - and Minnie too. I think Bunny's mom is on the right track; I know there are agencies out there too, but just not sure of what they are.
Just did a bit of research - you might start here?: http://www.consumer-action.org/english/articles/consumer_action_housing_help/ -
Huge amounts of luck and prayers - like commenters have written, it's so stressful when things happen all at once. Do breathe, drink a cup of tea and breathe again. Give Minnie hugs from us xoxoxo
Sammie, Avalon and Miche
We are sending lots of positive vibes and praying that everything will work out for you, Barbara.

Love ya lots,
You know how much you are loved by everyone including us. (and me).
We agree that when it rains it pours, and sometimes it feels like the sky is falling,, cause you don't know what to do.
So many are trying to figure out solutions to help you,, cause peoples care about you.
I am sending you my doggy prayers.
My friend Tweedles sent me over. I'm so sorry everything is happening at once. It's a horrible feeling to be that scared. Know that things can change and improve and there IS help out there for all kinds of situations. As someone who lost a loved one to suicide very unexpectedly in the past year, please go ask your doctor for help if you continue to feel so upset.

Your dog looks very sweet :-) Have you tried negotiating with your vet at all. Sometimes if you explain your financial situation, they can make some adjustments. Our vet did for us once.
KB said…
Hang in there. We are all here, and hopefully, by joining together, we can help you. You are an amazing woman who has supported so many of us in trying times... now it's time for us to return that kindness.

Please know that you have many friends out here.
I am so sorry for all you are going through. It will work out somehow ...it's always darkest before dawn as they say. Hang on! You can do it and we are all here for you.

Kristin & Pip
Anonymous said…
I came acroos your blog through Four Legged views. I am a foreclosure professional with over 10 years experience and I want to help you. I can't do much but offer advise on how to deal with them in a way that helps you get ahead. Please let me know where I can email you.
Hello Barbara, we dropped in from Bart and Ruby's blog to say hello. Just wanted to say we are thinking of you all the way from Oz and hoping things will improve for you. It looks like you have some amazing friends who care for you dearly. Sounds like banks are basxxxds all around the world. Hugs to your girl Minnie. Take care. Love Stella and Rory (and Carol)
Oh, Barbara. I only just started reading your blog after a mention on Tales and Tails and can't tell you how sorry I am to read about your troubles. We've had a very difficult few months as well, including expensive pet surgeries and family emergencies. You will be okay. Really. And you will be overwhelmed by the people who come forward to help you in ways you never anticipated. I've learned a lot recently about how close I really am (or am not, in some cases) to the people I thought I was close to and even more about the kindness of strangers. And I've learned a helluva a lot more about myself and how much stronger I am than I ever imagined. My thoughts and support are with you.

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